Let’s Play: Pokemon Fire Red Part 2 (Textual)

February 7th, 2013 -

You can find part one by clicking these words here.

When we last left our hero, we were in Viridian City. It wasn’t shown, but I was unable to enter the gym because it was locked. Instead it’s time to move on to the first gym proper.

Also, I’d like to take this opportunity to say that as an Australian fan of the NFL, I’m super glad that Baltimore won the Superbowl this year. Yeww.

I moved up from Viridian and into some tall grass. I could have avoided it, but I figured I’d casually fight my way up to gain a level or two, since I’ll probably need it. Back in ye olden days I would have avoided grass wherever possible, and maybe bought a lot of repellents from the Mart too. But I’ve come to find this method preferable in RPG games.

Luckily this is text and not a video, so you don’t have to see every single fight I get into and I don’t have to edit them out or make some kind of inspiring montage of Pokemon death as I crush trainers under my mighty boot heel.

But on my way through the grass it wasn’t long before I came upon this bad mother fucker.

I neglected to mention in the last part that Moist learned Bubble – baby’s first water type move. This pleased me; although it isn’t a particularly effective move. At least not for very long. It does, however, have a small chance to lower the opponent’s speed, if I recall correctly. Hopefully soon I’ll upgrade to Bubblebeam or something of that nature.

And so it was that just up from where I knocked that Rattata’s lights out I came across this building. It looks inviting. Almost too inviting.

This is exactly like that pornographic video I watched earlier – right down to the minimalist furnishing and the two disinterested women who look like their souls have been forcibly removed. And the one guy who you can only see the back of – at least the camera isn’t behind his balls.

The lady on the right warned me that the area ahead was a natural maze. The one on the left asked me if I’d caught a Rattata already. I like to think my character laughed in her face. Then totally smacked that sweet ass. Yeah.

I was greeted with this screen when I walked through the next opening/door. I have to admit this looks nice. When I got into the actual forest a special child with a yellow construction hard had started telling me about his friends.

I will find them. And I will crush them. Also, I will crush their spirits. Not intentionally, I just kind of have that effect of people.

I had the choice here of either going left or right. My memory started nagging at me and told me to go right. So that’s what I did.

… ist was poisoned.

Not pictured: That Weedle getting knocked the fuck out.

This is not good at all. Moist is my only homie at the moment. And as you walk around in the world with a poisoned Pokemon, they slowly lose health. If he were to hit zero, our hero would black out like he’d just witnessed a crucifixion and I’d be forcibly restarted from the nearest Pokecentre.

So I trekked way the hell back to health, using my last potion in the process. I visited the Mart and bought replacements as well as antidotes.

Then found one two feet from where I fought the guy that poisoned me in the first place. I’m not too bothered though, I needed more potions and whatnot anyway.

All things evolve, my child. Except your fat momma. Hohoho.

Following this battle Moist leveled up. I got rid of Bubble in exchange for Water Gun, because it has 20 more power. Moist now knows Tackle, Tail Whip, Water Gun and Withdraw. I feel it’s a solid move-set this early in the game.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

Oh, shit.

No matter. A Pickachu would not be much use against the first gym anyway. I will likely return to later to capture one of his Pikachu brethren for maximum second gym effectiveness.

I was told there would be a gun.

Hey gurl. Wut yo name is?

We’ve arrived. Now, we take on the first gym leader. I suspect it will play out something like this:

TO BE CONTINUED.

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